Mentally Ill, Spiritually Well

I have been hesitant to share this post, mainly because it requires a certain level of vulnerability that I am not sure I’m ok with, even now as I write this sentence. It feels too raw and I struggle to put words to why and how this post came to fruition. I don’t want the title to scare you. I don’t want to try and sound too deep or like I am fishing for follow up phone calls. 

The fact of the matter is that there’s days when I feel up and there’s days when I feel down. I am sure you can relate. I’d be lying to myself and others if I acted invincible to the drastic swings of the human mood. 

If the title of this post seemed shocking, made you cringe, or feel somewhat uneasy it is probably because there is a stereotypical image that comes to mind when thinking about mental illness. We don’t like the exercise of thinking about mental health, maybe because it feels like an over-dramatization of common struggles we all face or because it is just uncomfortable to accept the reality that mental illness is all around in many forms. 

I am no expert in this field, but it doesn’t take one to recognize that mental struggles manifest themselves in all types of ways and in varying intensities. Never have I met the person who modeled the perfect form of mental health. To some extent we all feel, or have felt, anxious, depressed, dreadful, distracted, or deeply confused. If that is true then there is some level of internal illness that we all must face. 

The poem below is not intended to be an oversimplification of what mental illness is or how to deal with these struggles. I hope you will see that it is not presented as a quick fix or patchwork prayer, which glosses over the real ugliness of what it looks like to combat intrusive thoughts. It is, however, a reminder that it is possible to wrestle with mental warfare and still be spiritually well. 

It is true that mind, body, and spirit are yoked together, but the health of each at any given moment can still vary. Simultaneously we can experience both inner turmoil and anchoring peace. It is possible to hold both fear and hope in the same hand. 

This is a reminder that Christ is greater than every ailment, whether it be mental, physical, or spiritual. This is a reminder to myself and hopefully to others that we must stay rooted in the hope that the gospel provides. 

Whether it be Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), or some other acronym designed to describe these various feelings of being unwell, know that Christ is above all. The Spirit is not limited by any insufficiency or imbalance you might be feeling. 

The following is one man’s attempt to lean into the Spirit and to cling to the truth that he proclaims over my life. 

-

Mentally Ill, Spiritually Well

Panic, dread, and fear

Can only find me here

In this dying mind and body

I cry and cramp, but oddly 

I find a place to meet 

My Savior slow and sweet 

He bids me peace and love 

He shows me what’s above 

His words do bring to mind

what truly always binds 

My heart to his forever 

His cross, a great endeavor 

Health and wellness be

No promised guarantee 

Though mental battles rage 

my soul has not been caged 

Obsessive strange compulsions

No match for Christ’s devotion

Depression nor anxiety

Has drowned the Spirit’s life in me

Intrusive thoughts they bring 

More reasons still to sing 

Of Christs great lasting win 

Over all my hated sins 

Despite every crude imbalance 

I find victory and valiance 

In Christ my Lord and Rock

He keeps me in his flock

Until my Lord shall kill

All my mental ills 

I will trust and ever tell

How he’s made my spirit well 

-

Psalm 34:19

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,

    but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

In Christ, you are counted among the righteous, simply by having faith in his name. You are among the ones whom God will deliver out of all afflictions. Through every high and every low, I trust in the one who has promised to save. No illness, whether mental, physical, or spiritual, is greater than his love for you. 

The door of salvation does not swing on the hinges of your own mental fortitude.