Lord, did you call?

It was late spring of my junior year of highschool, just before summer break. I was sitting at the lunch table with my friends when a long shadow cast across the table over my shoulder. Feeling the presence of a tall figure standing behind me, I turned in my seat to see who this might be. It was Mr. Hayes, the highschool art teacher, who was also the faculty sponsor for our school’s Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) chapter. Unsure of why he had approached the table I waited for him to speak. 

He invited me into the hall to talk privately and asked if I would be interested in being a FCA officer during the upcoming school year. I attended a private Christian school where FCA was a pretty big deal, so I was surprised when he asked me this. I had not applied nor shown any interest in being an officer, but the more I thought about it the more I felt inclined to do it. At our school FCA officers helped plan activities, events, and devotionals centered around spiritual formation. It was ministry work, but I never really thought of it that way then. To me, it was just a fun way to hang out with friends, while doing things like playing dodgeball, making silly promotional videos, and getting out of class from time to time for special events. 

Towards the end of my senior year of highschool, when all the fun of FCA was wrapping up and I had to start focusing on my next chapter, I started thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. Where did I want to go to college? What would I major in? What kind of job might I do one day? I had a general answer to some of those questions, but I didn’t have all the specifics mapped out. It was around this time that I first felt that the Lord might be calling me to pursue vocational ministry. Maybe it was just the FCA high still running through my veins or the recency bias from the past few months of focusing on the spiritual growth of our student body. Perhaps, that played a part, but this felt deeper, like a seed beginning to grow deep in my chest. 

Growing up my family and friends always told me that I should be a preacher. I never really knew why they said that. I’d pray out loud at family gatherings and read my bible, but I don’t remember telling anyone that I wanted to be a preacher or a pastor. Usually I would just accept their suggestion with a polite smile and put the thought away afterwards. 

It wasn’t until college when I truly started feeling a burning in my chest about pursuing ministry, but the choices I had made to that point didn’t seem to align with becoming a pastor. I wasn’t at a Bible college. I had no plans for attending Seminary. I was an Agricultural Business major at the University of Tennessee. How does that equate to becoming a pastor? Still, I had this desire for ministry. I can’t explain it and I didn’t seek it out, yet for some reason I felt the Lord drawing me towards himself in this way. I can’t speak for anyone else, but the only way I know how to describe what I was feeling during this time is that I was being pulled in an unknown direction that I loved and feared at the same time. During this season I started asking the question, “Lord, did you call?” 

During that season I remember reading Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper. No book to that point had set my soul on fire like that one did. It brought so much conviction to my soul and it fixed my attention more firmly on the ultimate purpose of this life, to glorify God in all aspects of living. I read a lot of Piper in those days and I was so drawn to the depth of theological teaching in his writing and preaching. I had never heard someone talk about the gospel like he did. I had never heard someone talk about having affections for God and his Word. I had never seen someone handle the Word like he did. I wanted to know Christ and the Bible like Piper. For a college student, the words that he wrote and spoke regarding scripture reshaped my worldview. I started reading more scripture and more Christian authors as a result, all the while that seed kept growing in my chest. Not every day, but periodically the Lord would grab my attention once more and quietly fan the flame in my heart towards work in his Kingdom. Lord, did you call? 

I proposed to my girlfriend, Victoria, during the spring semester of my senior year at UT. We planned to get married the summer after I graduated, so finding a job became of utmost importance. I had to provide an income to support us because she was still in school and those graduate student living stipends only stretched so far. While I searched for jobs leading up to graduation, and well after, I kept feeling drawn to pursue vocational ministry. I remember expressing this nagging desire to Victoria one evening. I told her, “I feel like I am supposed to do this, but I have no idea what it is going to look like. I can’t get rid of this burning inside me.” I felt ill equipped and unprepared. I had a real desire for ministry work, but little practical experience. During that time it felt as if the Lord was saying to me, “Jeb, I want you to go into ministry, just not yet.” 

Why wait, Lord? Why tell me now if it is not the right time? What am I supposed to do in the meantime? Those were the questions I wrestled with in times of prayer that summer. It always seemed that the heat for ministry was in my soul, but the flame would rise and fall through the days and subsequent weeks. I could go months and not think about ministry, just to be jarred by a random sleepless night or distracted day filled with dreams of preaching or teaching the Word. While the flame flickered in my soul and the seed produced deeper roots, the question remained, “Lord, did you call?”  

While doors of opportunity for vocational ministry remained closed, I was blessed to be presented with many other open doors of opportunity. The Lord did not forget me in the slightest during those days. The summer after I graduated from UT me and Victoria married, moved into our first house together, I accepted a job at the Tennessee Wildlife Federation as the East TN Field Rep and began working in my new role. I eventually got promoted to a leadership role within the organization and continued to grow there. Life was underway with much joy and gladness. This has been the general course of life for the past six years now. 

Through these past six years, ministry work has stayed on my mind. Through our local church I have had the blessing of sitting under an abundance of wise counsel from men bestowed with the gifts of shepherding, teaching, preaching, and simply listening. I regularly made known to them that I felt drawn to ministry work, but was still trying to figure out my next step. It was one of those men who encouraged me to start this very blog. He knew I liked to write and persuaded me to share it with others. Others have helped me think through the deep yearning in my heart for work in the Kingdom. They hardly ever told me what I should do, which might sound like lousy help, but I know it was a gift. Instead they asked me questions and made me dig deeper into myself and deeper into scripture to find answers. They told stories from their own experience, some offered different perspectives on my frustrations, and others just listened when I needed to talk. These men showed me what it looked like to minister to a needy soul. They showed me grace and Christ’s love in all patience, a blessing that I will not soon forget. They reminded me that sometimes it takes a while to receive an answer to the question, “Lord, did you call?” 

Towards the end of 2024 the restlessness returned to my soul. I felt that I was losing time or perhaps wasting it. I believed that I needed to take it upon myself to make something happen. If the Lord would not move then I would. There is only one sovereign hand of judgement and the fool believes it to be his. God alone through his providence teaches one man to sit, another to retrieve, and yet another to bay. One needs to be careful when feeling like they must make something happen, especially in regards to matters of faith. The temptation to be the decisive hand in all movements of the heart is strong and alluring. I have even found my own hand to be against the Lord’s when trying to do the right thing at the wrong time. I was desperately pulling at the leash when God was commanding me to sit. 

Oftentimes, I have observed that God allows men to sit in their restlessness for a season. You could make the argument that a persistent season of restlessness is allowed to remain in order to test the faith of the man. Afterall, our faith is proven through many trials and tests of perseverance (James 1:2-4). However, the reason may be more simple and practical than we think. Some men need restless seasons in order to loosen their grip on their own destiny. I believe this to be true of myself. All too often I feel that I must make something happen. I pry on doors that are meant to remain shut. I run when I should rest. I wander when I should worship. Eventually, the restless man learns to quiet his soul like an anxious pup quiets himself after hours of whining and restraint. Restlessness ends where surrender begins. Not my will, but yours be done Lord. However I still asked, “Lord, did you call?”

When the calendar rolled into 2025 it finally seemed that doors were beginning to open. I enrolled in an online Seminary program through Westminster Theological Seminary. If I was to work in vocational ministry this felt like a natural stepping stone. I would start working on furthering my education and would turn my attention to ministry work later. I completed my first two classes by May, but I still felt drawn to look for opportunities working in ministry. I applied for a few open positions and waited to see what the Lord might do. In the waiting I was eager to hear back, but this time it felt more like expectancy than restlessness. My heart settled in contentment, but remained hopeful for an open door. 

One night while washing dishes after dinner I received a phone call from an unknown number. I answered, assuming it to be a parent or volunteer asking about some upcoming Hunting and Fishing Academy event. To my surprise it was Josh Coffelt, Pastor at Glenwood Baptist Church in Powell, TN. He asked if we could talk about my application to their open Youth Pastor position. I said yes and we stayed on the phone for the better part of an hour exchanging questions and answers about the job. 

The next few weeks consisted of more interviews and meetings at the church. I knew this would be a part-time/bi-vocational position so I was curious to learn more about the church and whether or not it would make a good fit. Despite all my restlessness and impatience to be in ministry I still wanted to be diligent in my decision making. They offered me the job and were willing to let me be slow in my consideration, a gracious gift that I will always treasure. 

As I deliberated on whether this was the will of the Lord or not, I wrestled with all that would change if I accepted this call. Not only would we be adding additional responsibility to our weekly plate, but we would be leaving a church family we have grown to love dearly. Our routines and rhythms would change. Our priorities and allocation of time would have to change. Life would just look a little different. We’d have to be willing to be uncomfortable in a new space as a new face again. These might feel like obvious or trivial considerations, but I believe it is wise to spend appropriate time analyzing the practical implications of such things. To ignore them could mean rushing into a new situation with all heart and no mind or vice versa. Despite all these reasons to feel nervous, the Lord softened my heart for the people at Glenwood.

While on a work conference/extended stay vacation in Portland, Maine earlier this summer, Victoria and I discussed the job and prayed much for the Lord’s guidance on our next steps. Though we still had many questions, we felt a calming and unifying voice urging us to step into ministry together. I called Pastor Josh at Glenwood and told them I would gladly accept the job. Our last night in Maine, Victoria and I stood on the cliffs at the Portland Headlight, a historic and picturesque lighthouse on the Atlantic coast. We watched the waves crash against the rocks as the sun went down. All was quiet around and within us. We were eager to get back to Tennessee and embark on our new journey together, but in that moment the Lord allowed us to just sit quietly together and take in all the beauty around us. I was reminded that our God works in mysterious ways. Years of restlessness and doubt can come to an end so quickly. You almost forget that you were ever weary to begin with. The refreshing Spirit of the Lord is a wonderful thing. He revives his people in all seasons and sustains them the same. As the sun went down over the northern Atlantic, a new light was rising in my heart and I felt so much peace about the question, “Lord, did you call?”

Much more could be said about all that happened in between the years of praying and seeking a door of opportunity, but now one stands open before me. I have just begun to step through it and I pray I will walk faithfully beyond its humble frame. My focus is shifting from seeking opportunity to making the most of the one before me. With two jobs, school, and the ongoing responsibilities of being a good husband there has never been more on my plate, but in a strange way I feel more free. I feel lighter, unbothered by distraction and restlessness. My mind has cleared and a mysterious focus is settling in. 

As the Lord continues to confirm this calling, I pray he will confirm my message. No longer am I praying, “Lord send me where you’d have me go,” For the time ahead that prayer has been answered, “To the youth at Glenwood, go and be faithful.” Now I pray, “Lord give me a word, what should I tell them?” In my spirit I hear the Lord respond, “The truth. Tell them the truth.” 

I am as green as an August acorn in regards to vocational ministry, but I am trying to follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit as I learn to lead and teach. Below are a few things that I believe the Lord has placed on my heart as I step into this new space and learn to lead the young people at Glenwood: 

• There is power in being plain spoken about the gospel. Don’t hide behind fanciful language. Call sin what it is. A gospel with no call to repentance is not good news. 

• Don’t be afraid to challenge them. Use biblical terms like justification and sanctification, but teach them what they mean and why they are important. The actual words found in scripture are crucially important. Don’t feel the need to water down the vocabulary. Help them understand, but don’t take the power out of the words.

• Don’t feel the need to sound overly educated. Seek wisdom and gain knowledge, but use it humbly as a useful tool for building others up. When you feel insufficient or incapable remember this…many times it is better to be a cup overflowing, than a gallon half empty. Use what the Lord has given you and let it overflow to those around you. 

• Don’t place heavy burdens upon them. Remind them that salvation in Christ is a gift received through faith. It cannot be earned through works, though our faith should result in good works. Show them the difference between earnest obedience and empty legalism. Be gracious with them as they fail and learn to walk the narrow road.

• Be gentle, yet strong. They need a friend, but you are called to shepherd their souls. Sometimes that will require you to correct them. 

• Guard your own heart and mind. Be diligent in your own walk with Christ lest you fall away and prove to be unfit for work in his kingdom. As John Owen said,  “Be killing sin or it will be killing you.”

• Measure growth by the fruits of the Spirit being produced, not the size of the classroom.

• If any good comes from you being in this position, give all glory to Christ along the way. His gospel was preached long before your arrival and it will be preached long after your departure. Pray to be counted among those who handle the word rightly, while you have been trusted to do so for this season. 

I seek to know nothing, but Christ and him crucified in whatever lies ahead. To him be the glory. Praise him for restless seasons. Praise him for doors locked and opened. Praise him for his faithfulness. Praise him for he supplies both the field and farmer and seed. Praise him that he sends and equips those sent. Praise him now and forever. Praise him, oh my soul. 

Lord, did you call? I believe you have called me to Glenwood for this time. Make me ready for work in thy kingdom there. Thank you for this open door of opportunity which stands before me.

To you be the glory in all things. In Christ Alone.

Amen.